The Mystery of Love
by chinocoop81
Summary: Taylor's murder brings Ryan and Marissa closer together. Will her murder be able to be solved though?
1. Chapter 1

He got into his car after a long day of work and sighed. He really didn't want to go home, not when things were going so badly for him. His wife, Taylor, had been really distant lately, and he'd confronted her about it. She just shrugged him off, and told him he was imagining things. And when he noticed the smell of another man's cologne on her a couple of weeks ago, she'd said it was only from being in a grocery store surrounded by men. He didn't say anything about it, not wanting to press the issue. Because he couldn't deal with the possibility that maybe she was having an affair, because his life would be over.

He started his long ride home and thought about his life. He was an architect, and had his own company. He'd been married to Taylor for five years now. He'd met her in his senior year of high school. She was the woman that everyone talked about, but never talked to. One day, a particularly sad day for him, she approached him and asked if he was okay. He'd just said goodbye to his first love, Marissa Cooper. His only love up until that point. He'd replied that he was in fact, not okay, and one thing led to another, and they started talking.

A couple of months later, he stopped seeing her as Taylor Townsend, the freak, to Taylor Townsend, his friend. And they had good times together. Taylor and Ryan, they were best friends. But one day, as he was driving her home after a day of studying, she turned to him and asked him what they were doing together. If there was one thing about Taylor that stood out, it was the fact that she could make you think. He'd told her what he told everyone else, that they were studying. But it was only once he looked at her, that he realized that she had developed feelings for him.

He was still getting over Marissa at the time, and the thought of jumping into a new relationship was hard for him. But as he thought about it, he figured, Marissa had left, and chances were, he'd never see her again. So he decided to give Taylor a try. So they started dating. And over the next year, he developed strong feelings for her too. So they decided to go to college together. They stayed together through college, and one day, he decided that he wanted to commit himself to her forever. So he proposed and they got married, inviting all their friends and family to join.

And for the first three years of their marriage, they were the perfect couple. Nothing or anyone could stand in the way of Ryan and Taylor. Until she became pregnant of course. They were both so thrilled to have a little baby growing inside of her. So they went through her pregnancy normally, Ryan being the overprotective father to be, and Taylor being the moody pregnant woman. It was her eighth month, and one night, she awoke to horrible pains in her abdomen. They immediately rushed to the hospital, ready for the baby. They were both so excited about the baby, that neither noticed that she was bleeding way too much. Something had gone horribly wrong, and she lost the baby.

But instead of grieving together, they just seemed to be torn apart. They stopped talking to each other, and rarely even saw each other anymore. He always buried himself in his work, and she always looked for the comfort from her friend, Summer Roberts. And as they stopped communicating, their happy life and perfect marriage seemed to go up in flames. Their relationship got destroyed, and their lives were forever changed.

As he arrived at his house, he was so lost in his life story, that he never noticed the cop sirens from afar. It was only when he got out of the car, did he notice the flashing red and blue lights, and the Do Not Cross tape around his house. He quickly approached a cop, his head spinning what felt like a million miles per hour. "Excuse me, can you tell me what happened?" he asked the cop.

The officer looked at him with troubled eyes at first, and then finally asked, "Are you a

Mr. Ryan Atwood?" He nodded slowly, afraid of what would come next. "It seems that your wife, Taylor Atwood, has been murdered."

And that's when everything went black.

**  
**As his eyes were closed, he let his mind wonder to another time, a time when he was happy. It was the night that Taylor went into labor. He had awoken to her soft cries filling their room, and a wet spot in the bed. He'd at first been scared for Taylor, and himself, but then he realized what was going on, and he immediatly jumped into action, knowing that his baby, their baby was coming. They were going to have a little girl, and they wanted to name her Elizabeth Atwood. They had set up the whole nursery and everything, and they were ready for their baby girl.

He drove them to the hospital, holding Taylor's hand the whole time. By the time he arrived, his hand was already going numb from her squeezing it so much, and she was beginning to get more pale. When they got out of the car, he noticed that she'd been bleeding and over leaked onto her pants. He quickly led her to the hospital entrance, trying not to attract any attention to the red spot on her clothes.

When they arrived, they were immediately given the proper care they needed. They were put into a room, and Taylor's doctor came in and started looking at her. She was only five centimeters up, so she still had a while to wait. About an hour into the visit, he went outside the room, and saw Taylor's doctor talking in hushed tones with one of the nurses. He caught only parts of the conversation, "lots of blood..." And "that's not normal..." He tried not to think about what it meant, and why worry when it could very well be someone else.

So he went back into the room, and saw Taylor as pale and weak as ever. He walked back to her side, and she whispered to him so softly, he could barely hear her. "There's something wrong..." And that's when he really became scared. Because Taylor and this baby was his life, his hope and inspiration to get up and go to work everyday. His inspiration to take another breath when everything seemed wrong.

But if one of them was taken away, then his whole life would be ruined. And as he stared down at his weak wife, he knew that she was right, something was wrong. So he called the doctor and nurse from the hall, and they shared their concerns with them. She'd lost too much blood, and the chances of their baby being okay was slim to none. Taylor took the news hard, but all he could think of at the time was if his wife was going to be okay. Because he wanted at least one of his girls to be okay.

The doctor told them what they needed to do, that they needed to get the baby out before Taylor lost anymore blood. So they did, and as they announced that his baby had died, and gave the time of death, he felt his whole world spin out of control. He had to sit down, and stare at the floor, willing it to be still. He had to remind himself to breathe, to even want to breathe anymore. And he'd never forget that pain that he felt that day, the pain of knowing that he'd never see his little girl, he'd never hold her or talk to her, or play with her. He'd never watch her go off to her first day of school, or walk her down the aisle.

And he recalled this memory as he lay there in front of his house, unconscious after he received the news of his wife's murder. Because just like then, he felt like his whole world had just come crashing down. Like his whole life, and everything he'd worked for had burst into flames. But this time, instead of it being an accident, it was intentional. And that little piece of information was enough to get him to open his eyes, and watch through blurry vision a woman running her hand over his face. And he felt something that he'd only felt with one person, a connection that he'd long forgotten. A spark that only came from one woman.

"Marissa?"


	2. Chapter 2

He felt her hand quickly pull away. His vision was still blurry, and he felt like his head was pounding, like people were hitting him with a hammer over and over again in the head. He felt like the world was spinning, and it wouldn't stop. Slowly though, his vision started to clear up, and he slowly got more and more confused. He looked straight in front of him, and he could see her blue eyes staring at him, watching as he looked at his surroundings. He looked passed her, and saw a group of men zipping up the body bag that contained his wife of five years. He looked down and saw that he was on a stretcher himself, and figured he was probably moved here after he fainted. He looked back over to her, and saw that she had turned and was now talking to someone else. That was okay with him though, because right now, he just needed to be alone with his thoughts.

He thought back to that morning, the last morning he'd ever spend with Taylor. They'd sat at the table, and ate breakfast. She'd made eggs and toast like usual, and he'd read the paper while she cooked. She'd asked him how work was going, and he told her that it was going good. Then, there was a silence that always seemed to work its way into their lives, and before he knew it, he'd left to work. It had never once crossed his mind that Taylor would be murdered. It had never crossed his mind that anyone would want to murder Taylor.

He looked over to where Marissa was standing, and saw that she was watching him while talking to the other person. She quickly looked away though, and he watched her as she made her way to every person that she could find, and talked to them. He couldn't think straight though, and though he was looking at her, it was like he wasn't seeing her at the same time. They had a past yeah, but that was the past. Right now, all he could think about was that his wife was dead. He'd never see his wife again, never talk to her again, never kiss her again.

He sighed and tried to calculate the last time he ever did any of these things really. They didn't talk much, and he never really looked at her like he used to, not like she was the most important thing to him. And he hadn't kissed her in a long time, not even a small peck on the cheek. So why was he so upset? Why was guilt overtaking him, making him feel like this was all his fault? Why did he even care that Taylor had died?

_Because she's your wife, and you love her._ A voice told him. He looked at Marissa again, and began to wonder what she was doing here after all. How did she know where he lived, and how did she know to come at this time? He sighed, knowing that he needed to talk to her, needed to find out where she'd been, but all he wanted to know was what happened to Taylor. He couldn't let himself think of Marissa, not now anyways.

So he thought about Taylor again. He heard a rumble come from the sky, and knew that it would rain soon. And as he felt the small rain drops start to fall down onto his body, he watched as everyone tried to get cover from the rain, and put up their umbrellas. He didn't though. He stood up from the stretcher he was on, not feeling the pain anymore and opened his arms for the rain to fall onto him. And as he looked over to Marissa who was now making her way to him, he felt a small hint of a smile form on his lips. She didn't have an umbrella either, and rather looked happy in the rain. When she reached him, he stared up at the sky and softly said, "Taylor always loved the rain." He looked over to her with sad eyes and said, "She would come outside and just stare at the sky, arms out, and let the rain fall on her, soaking her." He felt as his clothes became completely soaked and then looked up at the sky again, causing rains to get in his eyes. "She would've loved this."

She looked at him for a long while, and then sighed. "I'm going to be working the case of your wife's murder. So far, we have barely anything, but we're sending her body over to the lab for an autopsy. We believe that she was shot multiple times, and that's what killed her, but we just need to be sure." She looked down and in almost a whisper, she said, "I'm really sorry for your loss."

He just nodded and looked at the ground also. "I have to go to a hotel, don't I?" He asked, curious. He saw her nod and continued, "And you're probably going to keep her body for a long time, so I'll just plan a service without it." He ran his hand through his hair, and suddenly the pounding in his head was back. He felt a bump on his head, and realized that he'd probably hit his head on the ground when he fainted.

"Are you okay?" She asked, probably seeing that he was wincing from the pain. She put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him probably, but only making him feel more uncomfortable.

"My wife just died, how can anything ever be okay again?" He asked her, staring deep into her eyes. She seemed to flinch under his hard gaze, and looked away.

"I don't know." She replied softly. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked, a hopefulness in her voice that he couldn't understand. "Is there anything you need?"

He looked over to where the Crime Scene people were loading up all the evidence into their van. He still saw her body bag, and through clenched teeth, he said, "Find the bastard that did this to Taylor, and make them pay." He looked over to her, hate evident in his eyes, and asked, "Am I done here, or do I have to stay?"

"I'll contact you if I need you, or if I have any other information."

He nodded and grabbed his keys from his pocket. "See you then." He said, leaving her to watch him go. He didn't want to talk to her, didn't even want to look at her right now. She had meant something to him once, had meant the whole world to him. But now, she was just the detective working the case of his wife's murder.

And for now, that was okay.

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She'd waited years for this moment, the one when she finally saw him again. She was supposed to run into his arms, and be welcome. He was supposed to tell her that he'd missed her, and that he only loved her, even after all these years. Then, she would say that she was sorry she'd left so suddenly, and sorry that she'd never tried to stay in touch. They were supposed to become lovers again, and eventually get married and have children, and be together forever. But none of that happened.

Instead, it all started about an hour or two before time, when she received a call that there was a murder. She'd immediately gone on scene and found out that the victim was Taylor, as in Taylor Townsend. But then, she'd found out that it was no longer Townsend, but rather, Atwood. And then she'd found out that Ryan was a really successful architect, and that they'd been married for five years. That's when she got the first clue that she wasn't going to have her chance with Ryan.

And then he'd come and fainted when he found out about his wife's death, and she'd watched as they put him on a stretcher instead of the ground. He'd hit his head, and they wanted him out of the way also. And she'd ran her hand over the bump that was beginning to form on his head, but he woke up, and she'd avoided him. And when she did walk over to him, he looked like a lost soul, so she didn't tell him what she needed to. That she wanted to be friends with him. That she wanted to apologize for everything. But she didn't say anything, just let him watch her.

And even when he left, she didn't say anything then either. Because there was nothing to say, no words that could make him feel better. She'd worked as a Detective for the past five years now, and had just recently transferred from Hawaii. She was single, not really having the time for a relationship. Not that she hadn't been in one since she'd last left Newport, there were plenty of guys, just none that she could see herself with. She'd only felt that way with one person, and he would barely even look at her right now.

She realized that everything they'd once had was in the past, and that now they were here, there was no reason to believe that they were going to end up together. She just wanted to be his friend, because even when she wasn't with him, sometimes being his friend was what got her through her life.

But he was too caught up in Taylor's death to notice her. He must have really loved her. So now she decided to work the best she could at solving the murder. That's what got her through life sometimes, the comfort that she'd put away the bad guy, that justice would be served. So she decided to swallow all her feelings towards him.

And hoped that they wouldn't surface again anytime soon.

A couple of days later, she was still nowhere with the investigation. She'd worked all she could, but they still weren't done in the lab, and until they were, there was really nothing she could do. They did know that she died of multiple shots to her head. Besides that, they didn't have anything. She didn't even have any suspects yet, but not like she was really sure where to start. So Summer had convinced her to come to Taylor's memorial service.

Which she could already tell wasn't a good idea. For one, everyone looked at her suspiciously when she walked around. They looked at her like the outsider, when once she'd been the most known person in Newport. Secondly, she didn't even know Taylor personally, and even when she did all those years ago, they were rivals. It was awkward to be giving respect to someone she didn't know, and even really didn't like.

And then to make things even more awkward, the only available spot for her to sit at during the Eulogy was by Ryan, who still didn't really even look at her. So while they were talking about Taylor, and how great she was, she was watching Ryan for any type of reaction to the words being said. Nothing. He just stared straight ahead, like he was in another universe.

Once they were done speaking, and they everyone went about talking amongst themselves, she just sat there, not knowing where to go. Summer was off crying with Kirsten, and she really didn't know anyone else. So she fidgeted with her hands, and tried not to draw attention to herself. Ryan still hadn't gotten up, and was sitting next to her, still staring straight ahead. "Umm….I really haven't gotten anywhere with the case yet." She said, not knowing if he was listening. "I don't know of any possible suspects, and I just know how she died."

He didn't say anything, so she took it as a sign that he was doing either two things. One, he couldn't hear her, or two, he was ignoring her. She sighed and started to get up, but heard him start to talk. "Ever notice that there's three types of people that come to a funeral?" He looked over to her, and she sat back down. "There's people like me and Summer, those that were close to the person. People that are grieving, and really knew the person. And then there's people like them over there…" He said, pointing to the Newpsies of Newport. "People that come for the latest gossip and social hour. And then there's people like you." He said, looking at her with sad eyes. "People that come not even knowing who died, but somehow manage to come anyways to show their respect. People that are like outsiders in the group, people that don't know where they belong." He stood up and looked around the room. He looked back down at her and gave her a small nod and then said, "Thanks for coming." And walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

She walked into the lab and caught up with one of the investigators. "How's it going?" She asked, making a gesture towards the body. The investigator sighed and shook her head. Marissa knew this investigator as Kim, they'd worked together back in Hawaii for a couple of months before she was transferred. Now that both were transferred to Newport, they got to talk to each other again.

"These murders, they always get to me." Kim admitted softly. She stared out at Taylor's body, and Marissa nodded in agreement. No matter how many bodies there were, no matter how many people and victims and murderers, it still made an impact on you. It still touched you in places that you didn't know you had. It still worked it's way into your heart.

"I know what you mean." she said. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, and Marissa let her mind wander to Ryan and the service a couple of days ago. He looked really hurt, and looked like a broken heart high school kid.

"Especially when the woman's pregnant." Kim said after a long time, shaking her head and sighing. Marissa was so caught up with her own little day dream, that she almost didn't register what Kim had said.

"Wait, pregnant?" She asked unsure. No one had ever mentioned Taylor being pregnant to her. "How far along?"

Kim shrugged slightly and said, "My best guess would be one and a half, maybe two months. She wasn't too far along yet, but still far enough that the baby started to develop. Whoever killed her, either didn't know, or didn't want it to be found out."

"Is there anything else?" She asked. "Anything that could give us a possible suspect?"

"Not yet, but I'm having my team search as much as they can." Kim sighed and with a sad and serious voice said, "Catch the person who did this Marissa, and lock them away for a long time."

"That's what I plan on." She said softly. "Thanks for the help." She started to walk away, and for some reason had a pang in her heart, one that she couldn't explain. Maybe it was the knowledge that the person that killed Taylor, not only killed her, but a little baby too. Maybe it was the knowledge that this baby that was growing inside of Taylor was never going to take a breath, or run around, or complain about school and make friends.

Or maybe it was the knowledge that Ryan and Taylor had conceived a child together in the first place.

She dialed the number that Summer had given her the day before and waited for him to pick up. As she waited, she remembered the way Summer had acted when she handed over the phone number, almost as if it was a bad thing for her to do.

"_Why do you need the number?" Summer asked suspiciously. Marissa sighed and rolled her eyes._

"_So I can contact him about the case, nothing more." Summer rose one eyebrow and Marissa continued, "I'm just the detective working his case."_

"_Yeah, just the detective working his case that he used to be head over heels in love with." Summer retorted._

"_That was in the past." Marissa said softly._

"_Yeah, it's all in the past. Remember that Coop, cause I can almost guarantee you'll need to." Summer handed over Ryan's number and Marissa took it, not looking her in the eye, knowing that deep down Summer was right._

"Hello?" She heard a male say over the phone. She sucked in a deep breath, knowing that it was Ryan. "Hello, who is this?" he asked, in an almost frustrated tone.

"Ryan, it's Marissa." She said. "I umm, well, I'd like to talk to you about Taylor. Is there anytime we can talk?"

"I'm free for lunch." He said after a while. She couldn't explain why, but the thought of sharing lunch with Ryan after all this time was appealing to her. Even if the topic they chose to talk about was his dead wife.

"Lunch sounds good, when do you get the break?"

"At one. Does the diner sound good?" He asked.

"Sounds great." She said almost too excited. She mentally kicked herself for letting her feelings show. "So I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, see you." He hung up before she had the chance to say anything else. She put her phone back in her purse, and suddenly felt nervous for some reason. She was about to go eat lunch with Ryan, after all these years, and talk about the new love of his life. The idea of it just didn't sound as great as it was earlier. She sighed and decided to get back into business mode, shutting all of her feelings for Ryan aside.

She slowly drove to the diner, butterflies in her stomach. She still couldn't explain why she was nervous, and why Taylor being pregnant bothered her so much. Yeah, she still had the smallest amount of feelings for Ryan, but that was it right. It wasn't like she was in love with him right? Because she couldn't be in love with Ryan, not after all this time. Not when he was so hung up on his wife's death.

She arrived at the diner, and slowly walked into it and spotted him. He was in their normal booth, the one they always used to sit in before she left. She couldn't help but smile at how adorable he looked, almost like a sad puppy. His hair was longer than it was all those years ago, but shorter than it had been when he first arrived. He was wearing a light blue dress shirt, and it made his eyes look a lot darker than they really were. She walked towards him and sat across from him. He looked up and gave her a weak smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hey."

"Hey." He said tiredly. He looked down at his hands, and a waitress came with two cheeseburgers, two orders of chili fries, and two chocolate shakes. She smiled seeing that he had ordered and he said, "Still like this food?" He looked at her teasingly. "Because if I can remember, that's basically all you used to eat."

"Hey, I ate more than this." He raised his eyebrows playfully and she said, "I ate the pancakes too." She picked up her burger and took a bite of it. She watched him as he ate, and saw how he moved slowly, almost as if he didn't have any energy. "Thanks for ordering, I'm surprised you remembered."

"How could I forget?" He asked, the playfulness from a minute before gone. "If I remember correctly, there was a reason to this lunch." he looked down at the food in front of them and said, "And it wasn't talk about food." He stared at her with emotionless eyes, and she sighed sadly.

"I want to talk about Taylor." When he didn't say anything, she continued. "We found something out yesterday. It could be nothing, but at the same time, it could be very important."

"What is it?"

"Were you aware that Taylor was pregnant?" She asked. By the expression on his face, she guessed he hadn't.

"Pregnant?" He asked surprised. "She never said anything….how far along was she?"

"We think she wasn't too far along, one and a half, maybe two months." She watched as the words sunk in and he slowly put his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry for your loss." She said softly. "I just thought that I should tell you in person."

"You don't understand though." He said weakly. "If she wasn't that far along, it means….." He sighed and whispered, "No, Taylor, no, why?" He looked up at her and said, "The last time we were…." He made a gesture with his hands awkwardly, "The last time we were…together, was maybe four months ago, if not more." He watched her as she slowly made the realization of what this meant.

"So she had an affair…"

"I'm pretty sure she did." He picked up a fry and put it in him mouth, and seemed to let his mind wander. "I mean, I kind of guessed she was, but now that I'm sure…" She moved one of her hands to cover his comfortingly, and when he didn't pull away, she felt her heart flip flop. She still felt the familiar sparks with him, and began to wonder if he felt the same way. "Why though?" He asked, looking deeply at her. "Am I just not good enough?"

"Don't ever say that about yourself Ryan." She took his other hand too, and said, "You're perfect. None of this is your fault. I don't know why she did this, but my guess is she didn't know how great she had it." She gave him a weak smile.

He nodded slowly and then managed to say, "Thanks." He looked deep into her eyes, and she almost felt like she was in high school again. She felt her hands still over his, and she slowly pulled them away. He looked back down at his food, which was almost finished and said, "I need to go…"

"Oh, okay." She said, trying not to sound disappointed. He put some money on the table.

Before she had the time to protest, he was already getting up. "I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you." She said softly.

He nodded and walked out the door. She watched him through the window as he got into his car and drove off, probably back to work. She thought back to what he'd said, if Taylor had been having an affair, then they have a possible suspect. She quickly called Kim and her boss and told them the news. They seemed excited that they were finally getting somewhere. As she hung up the phone, she couldn't help but feel a little happier.

Taylor was having an affair with someone, now all they needed to find out was who.


	4. Chapter 4

Marissa couldn't explain why, but she felt that today there would be a major thing happening. She didn't know what though, or how or when. She just had a feeling in the pit of her stomach, a feeling in her bones. She hoped it had to do with the case, because she was really beginning to fear that they'd never find the killer. They'd found semen in Taylor's system that belonged to Johnny Harper, so unless she had multiple partners, that was probably the father of the baby. And he was the last known person to see her alive.

Johnny's whereabouts were unknown, which made him even more of a suspect. They'd raided his apartment, and found pictures of Taylor that they were using of evidence that he did in fact have an affair with her. They'd searched all his friends and family, and they found out that he was involved in a relationship with another girl named Debra Smith.

Marissa walked into the room that Debra was being held in for questioning and sat down in the chair across from Debra. Debra was anxiously biting her nails, and looking down. She had blonde hair that cascaded down her back and dark green eyes. She looked like she had a rough life, and there was something eerie about the way she carried herself, almost like she should be feared by many. "I'm Detective Marissa Cooper." Marissa said while looking down at her file.

"Why am I here?" Debra asked coolly. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Marissa looked up and stared at her a couple of minutes before answering. "I never said you did, I just want to talk about your boyfriend, Johnny Harper." When Debra sighed and looked away, Marissa went on. "We believe that he was having an affair with a woman named, Taylor Townsend. Do you know her?"

"That slut." Debra said angrily. "She's always hitting on anything that moves…I feel sorry for her husband or whatever." Debra looked away dreamily and then said, "Now he, that's a good man. He's so hot, I'd dump Johnny for him any day."

Marissa felt herself get tense at the mention of Ryan. She felt like she had to protect him, and defend him. She couldn't explain why, but she felt upset that Debra found him attractive. She quickly said, "Ryan is in love with his wife, he's not looking to date."

Debra raised an eyebrow at her and smirked, "Looks like I'm not the only one who thinks he's cute. I hear you two used to date way back when…before he got together with that little whore."

"That was a long time ago." Marissa said softly. She quickly added, "Besides, that's not what we're here to talk about." She looked into her file and said, "I hear you two have been together for about a year." She looked up to see Debra nodding. "Okay, did he ever mention the name Taylor?"

"Yeah, once." Debra sighed and then added, "It was about five months ago, he was talking about her and Ryan together. He said that he didn't know what she saw in the guy." Debra shrugged, "I figured he was just going along with the gossip at a party, I never thought he'd have an affair. He just wasn't the type."

Marissa nodded and wrote that down. "When was the last time you saw him?" She asked.

"The day after that girl got killed." Debra said like it was nothing.

"You mean Taylor?"

"Yeah….said he needed some space. I figured he was breaking up with me." She looked at the wall with a distant look and said, "I loved him…but we had been having problems for a while now. I guess now I know why."

"Because of the affair you mean?"

"Yeah, he was in love with her." She said sadly. "I went to his apartment to get my things, and I saw the pictures, I saw the letters they wrote to each other."

"Wait…what letters?" Marissa asked curiously. They'd found pictures, but they hadn't found the letters yet. They hadn't really searched the house, just skimmed through it, looking for any clues to where he was.

"Love letters." Debra said with a sniffle.

"Thank you for your time, we'll stay in touch." Marissa said, gathering all her stuff together. "You can go now."

"Thanks." Debra said. Marissa led her out of the room, and then walked over to her boss.

"What do you have?" He asked her. His name was Mark Sully, and he was tall with a muscled body. He had short black hair, and black eyes that were hard and cold after so many years working murders. He could be the friendliest man you knew, or he could be your worst enemy. He wasn't married at the time, but had been twice before. Neither wife could tolerate the hours that he worked, or the danger that he had been in. Marissa heard that he used to be a sniper in the military, and had been in some pretty tough situations before.

"Umm, she didn't know about the affair, she said that he was in love with Taylor. She also claimed to have found some letters at his house. I was thinking that maybe we should search the house better, see if there's anything else.

"Very good, I'll get forensics on it." He said with a small smile. "But for now, take a break, you've been working this case almost day and night, you must be tired."

She gave him a small smile and said, "Sir, I really want to solve this case." She shrugged and said, "If it means working without sleep for the next year, I'll do it."

"Why this one though?" He asked curiously. "What's so special about this case?"

She shrugged, not wanting to tell him the truth. That she felt that if she solved this case, she'd finally make it up to Ryan for almost ditching him all those years ago. No one knew the real story though, no one bothered to find out. She shook thoughts of all those years before out of her mind and said, "I guess I just have personal connections."

He closed his eyes, and tried his best to fall asleep. It was no use though, he just couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. He groaned in frustration and threw the blankets off of him. He looked at the clock next to him that read 6:00 A.M. He rubbed his eyes and slowly got up. He'd woken up a couple of hours ago, and just couldn't fall back asleep since then. His mind was too busy, too caught up in Taylor's case. She'd had an affair? He just couldn't understand why though…things had been good right? He had some communication problems, but that was it…..nothing that couldn't be fixed.

And he couldn't understand why he didn't confront her again about the thought of her having an affair. He could smell the guy on her, but he didn't press hard enough. Maybe if he did…she'd still be here. That's what he had debating for the past couple of hours, and he still hadn't come to a conclusion. He couldn't figure out if he was guilty or not.

He decided to go out for an early morning jog. He wore a wife beater and some sweatpants, and started to jog. He jogged down the beach, and to the lifeguard station. When he got there, he slowed to a walk and went up the ramp, still trying to catch his breath. He saw a figure sitting there, and stared closer, trying to make them out. That's when he made out the outline of Marissa….looking down at some papers in her hand. "Hey?"

She looked up, startled. "Hey." She said with a confused look. "What're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He said, sitting down a reasonable distance away from her. "Do you always wake up at six in the morning and look over papers on the beach?"

"And do you always question people on the beach at six in the morning?" She asked with an amused expression.

"Fair enough." He said with a small smile. "I couldn't sleep….I have a lot on my mind."

"Same here." She said with a small nod and smile. She looked out at the ocean for a second and then turned back to him and asked, "So why can't you sleep?"

"I don't know." he said, lying.

"Come on…there's got to be a reason." She said softly. She looked at him and he felt bad for not telling her, but he felt it would be too awkward…right? "It's okay….you don't have to tell me." She said, looking away. He felt really bad now, and decided to tell her after all.

"It's this case, Taylor's." He said truthfully. "I always suspected that she was having an affair…but I never really confronted her about it…"

"And you think that if you had…things would've been different?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah…" He said, amazed that she could read his mind like that.

She smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder, "Believe me when I say this Ryan…nothing you could've said would've changed the way things went."

"Really….how do you know?" He asked curiously.

She shrugged and said, "I just do."

"Just like that?" He questioned, not believing her.

She sighed and said, "We found something in the case….something I'm not supposed to tell you." She got up, taking her papers with her. "But I assure you, Taylor had it in for herself."

He watched her start to walk away and knew that he didn't want her to leave him yet. It was the first time that he'd really enjoyed conversation with her since she left all those years ago. "Marissa?" He called to her.

She spun around, a smile on her face. The rising sun lit up her face, and he felt himself get nervous for some reason. "Have you eaten breakfast yet?" He asked casually.

She shook her head and said, "No…I was going to go to the station. Why?"

He got up, and walked towards her with his famous half smile on his face. "It's just that I haven't eaten breakfast yet…and I figured if you hadn't either…." He trailed off, looking at her face for any emotions. "….maybe we could go to the diner. I know how much you love those pancakes."

Her smile disappeared and she said, "I was going to start working on the case again…see what I could do."

He felt disappointment rise within him and asked, "Can't work wait for just a little while?" He reached for the papers she was holding and took them from her. "Please?"

She sighed and looked at the papers in his hands, and reached for them. He moved them out of her reach and she said, "You know, those are very important papers…if they get ruined, I get ruined."

He gave her a sly smile and said, "Well, I have an idea then." She reached for the papers again, but he backed away. "You have breakfast with me…and nothing happens to these papers." He moved the papers again and said, "But if you don't…who knows what will happen to them."

"You wouldn't." She said with wide eyes.

"You never know."

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "Fine, I'll eat breakfast with you."

He handed back the papers and said, "I'm going home to change." He looked down at his clothes and then back up at her. "I don't think I'm really dressed to go eat breakfast."

"Oh, what leads you to that conclusion?" She teased. They walked together down the beach until she got to her car. "So I'll see you in half an hour?"

"Yeah, don't be late."

He gave her one last smile and then jogged home happily…..all thoughts of Taylor and the case gone.


	5. Chapter 5

He walked into the diner and walked to their usual booth. He didn't even look at the menu and ordered for both of them. He nervously fidgeted with his hands as he waited for her. He was going to ask her something important today, something that he'd been meaning to ask her since he was a senior in high school, since he received that dreadful call that changed his life forever…

_He looked at his cell phone and smiled when he saw that she was calling. He answered quickly and said, "Hey…" He could hear the smile in his own voice. Things had been going great, even if she did live in Hawaii. Ever since that night in the Tiki Hut, things had been different between them. It was like nothing and no one could come in between them anymore, they had given themselves to each other in the most intimate way._

"_Hey…." She replied. He could sense something wrong in her voice, something bad had happened. He could hear her shaky breaths that she was taking, and when he closed his eyes he could almost imagine her biting her lip…something she always did when she was nervous._

"_What's wrong?" he asked, feeling his smile start to disappear. _

"_I don't know how to tell you this…" She said after a while. He couldn't understand what was going on, why she was so upset. "…but something's happened…"_

"_What is it?" he demanded to know. He imagined everything that could happen. Did something happen with her parents, or her, or Kaitlin? Was there something wrong with the family, or with money? "Is there something wrong with your parents?"_

"_No.." She said shakily. "I don't think I can do this…" She said after a while._

"_Do what, whatever it is…we'll get through it together." he said quickly. "You have to believe me when I say that Marissa, we'll be okay. Me and you, it's just supposed to be that way…"_

"_You don't get it do you?" She asked, interrupting him from his rambling. _

"_Get what?"_

"_I can't do this…us…anymore." She said quietly. He felt like someone had just hit him hard in the gut. There was a feeling in his heart that he'd never really experienced before. She was breaking up with him? After everything they'd been through, she was just going to throw it all away? What did he do…was there someone else? "Ryan, are you there?" She asked after a while. "Ryan…"_

"_I'm here." He said quietly._

"_I'm sorry, I just…" she trailed off and then added, "It's not you…it's me…."_

"_Why?" He asked after a while. _

"_I…" She started, but trailed off. "It's just…"_

"_Just what? I can guarantee you that whatever it is that happened, we can work it out. You can't just give up on us…" He paused and sighed. He put his head in one of him hands and then said, "You can't just give up on me…"_

_She didn't say anything for a while, and he just heard her breathing on the other end. It hurt him to know that somewhere far away she was doing god knows what with God knows who. "You won't understand." She said after a while._

"_Yeah, I will. You can tell me anything…" He begged. "Please…"_

"_Goodbye Ryan…" She said, and then he heard the click. She'd hung up on him. She'd just abandoned him like that. He loved her, but she obviously didn't feel the same way for him. They'd been through break ups before, but for some reason this one felt more final. Maybe because she lived in Hawaii, and he had to cross the ocean to get to her. Or maybe it was because of the way she sounded on the phone. _

_Either way, he felt his heart start to break._

He looked up to see her walking towards him, and he gave her a weak smile. The pain from that day was still real, even after all these years. He still felt like it was just yesterday, and he was being told that they would no longer be together. Before he could move on and grieve Taylor, he needed to know about this. What had really happened? "Hey." She said, sitting down across from him.

"Hey." He said quietly. He felt himself start to become nervous like when they were in high school, and he was about to ask her on their first date. "So I ordered you pancakes….extra butter."

"Thanks." She said, looking at him. Their eyes locked and he could sense how awkward things were becoming. "So…" She said after a couple of minutes of awkward silence.

He took in a deep breath and then said, "There's a reason why I wanted you to come to breakfast with me…and it's not because of the pancakes." He saw her puzzled expression, and looked down. "Back in our senior year of high school, you broke up with me without an explanation. I want to know why you did what you did. What possessed you to think that we couldn't make it and suddenly we weren't supposed to be together anymore."

"Ryan, your wife just died…" She started. "And I don't think this is----"

"Appropriate? Is that what you're going to say?" He asked frustrated. "Look, I'm doing this for me. So putting everything else aside, Taylor, and your job, and my job…and whatever boyfriends you've had since then." He sighed and looked up at her, into her deep blue eyes that held a fear he'd seen only after she shot Trey. "Why did you break up with me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it matters to me. I can't go on like it never happened."

She took in a shaky breath and then said, "That night, in the Tiki Hut…"

"Yeah, what about it?" He asked, trying to get her to the point.

"It was easily the best night of my life." She smiled and got a dreamy expression on her face. "It was amazing, and romantic…."

"Yeah, it was." He agreed with a smile. "But what does this have to do with our break up?"

She snapped out of her daze and looked at him vulnerably. "There was only one problem…."

"What?"

She looked straight into his eyes, and he could see hers begin to cloud with tears. "We didn't use a condom…"

She waited his reaction, and slowly saw the words sink in. He looked at her with wide eyes and asked, "Were you…did you…did we…was there…" He was trying to ask if she got pregnant, she knew he was.

"Yeah.." She said quietly, looking away from him and avoiding his gaze.

"_No…." She said quietly, sinking down to the ground. "This can't be happening…" She put her head in her hands and started to cry. What was going to happen when Ryan found out? Things had been going so good between them lately, she didn't want to throw that away. She looked at the pregnancy test one last time to make sure that she'd seen it correctly. It was still positive. She was still pregnant._

"But you never told me anything…" He said, looking down at his hands. She briefly glanced up at him and nodded, and then looked back down. "Wait…if you were pregnant…there should be a baby…."

"I was pregnant…" She admitted. "But I had an abortion."

His eyes got wide, and she made sure to avoid his gaze now. "An abortion?" He asked shakily. "How could you…"

"I thought it was the best thing at the time…"

_Her mom stared at her angrily. "How could you be so stupid Marissa?"_

"_Mom, I didn't mean for it to happen…." She said quickly._

"_It doesn't matter, it did happen." Julie threw her hands up in the air and said, "What are you going to do? I can't raise another baby in this house…we're already barely getting by."_

"_I'll figure something out." She said, her hand instinctively going to her flat stomach. _

"_Does Ryan know?" Julie asked after a while._

"_No, not yet. I'm going to tell him the next time he calls…"_

"_No, don't." Julie said quickly. _

"_I think he should know that I'm carrying his baby." She said, trying not to smile at the thought of a little Ryan growing inside of her. Ryan would be happy about this news._

"_What if you don't carry it?" Julie asked after a minute of thought._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Get an abortion." Julie said, looking straight at her daughter._

"_No, not my baby, no!" she said quickly. She couldn't abort her baby, Ryan's baby…their baby._

"_Marissa, do you really think that Ryan's going to open you with welcome arms? Look at how things went with that other girl…"_

"_That was different, they weren't in love…and she lost the baby."_

"_It's the same concept. He was never happy with the thought of the baby." Julie sighed and then said, "I'm just thinking of your future."_

"_But my baby…" she said sadly. Her mom made sense, but she still didn't like the idea._

"_There will be other babies." Julie said softly. "But you need to have them when you're ready."_

"_Okay, I'll do it." She said softly. She thought about the life growing inside of her suddenly being destroyed. She felt a few tears escape and walked up to her room. She looked at the picture by her nightstand of her and Ryan. They were looking at each other, love radiating from each other's eyes. "I'm sorry…" She said to it._

_She really was sorry._

"You were wrong though." He said after a while. He moved his finger under her chin and made her look up into his eyes. She saw a pain worse than she'd seen in his eyes after Taylor died. "We would've worked things out. I would've found a job…we would've had a baby…" His voice broke and he took in a deep breath. Finally he continued, "We would've gotten married….and we would've had a great life together. Yeah, it would've been hard….but it would've been worth the struggle."

"I'm sorry." she said softly, looking into his pain filled eyes. "I'm so sorry…I can't explain how sorry I am."

"It's all in the past though right…so I guess it doesn't matter anyways." He got up from the booth and said, "I'm not hungry anymore…I'm just going to go."

"Ryan, wait." She pleaded, holding onto his arm to pull him back down. "I know I made a mistake…but I really want you to forgive me…"

"I forgive you." He stated emotionlessly. "But I do believe that I need to be in work soon…and you're supposed to be investigating my wife's murder."

She winced when he said his wife. He said it so cruelly to her, but she knew she deserved it. "Yeah, okay." She said, letting go of his arm.

He hesitated for a moment, almost as if he was wondering whether he should stay, when he finally sighed and walked away from her. She wondered what life would've been like if she'd told Ryan that he was going to be a father. He would've been thrilled at the idea, she was sure of it now. She'd read his file the other day…and he'd lost another child with Taylor. He'd lost two children of his in his lifetime…two lives taken away. When she had gotten the abortion, that was all she could think about. She knew that she wouldn't be able to look him in the face afterwards, that's why she broke it off with him.

Not to save herself from pain, but to save him.

Guess it didn't really matter after all.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a very long day for Ryan. He had thought that there was someone else and that's why Marissa left him, he had thought that maybe her mom forbade her to be with him anymore, or maybe she just woke up one morning and realized it would never work. He never ever thought in a million years that Marissa had been pregnant with his baby and ended up aborting it. He never knew that she could so easily give up something that they created with their love for each other. He never thought that she was capable of hurting him so much, even after all these years.

Maybe he'd been wrong about her. Maybe she was always like this. Maybe he had been so blinded by love that he never realized that she could do this to him. What if he was just making up stuff in his head that would never come true. Maybe she didn't really love him, because there was no way that she'd love him and still abort his baby.

He was now heading to the Cohen house for dinner, something he hadn't done a while. Actually, except for Marissa, he hadn't talked to much of anyone….and look how that turned out. If he needed anyone at a time like this, he should've known it was his family and not someone he thought loved him all those years ago. Besides, the Cohens were always helping him through stuff, and Marissa just left.

He sighed and thought about Taylor. He'd loved her right? It was never what he had with Marissa, but he'd loved her to the point that he wanted to marry her and have kids with her. That had to mean something. He loved her enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her knowing that he'd never be able to be with another woman again and he married her, and here they were. Taylor had an affair and was murdered because of it. Now he was stuck with Marissa, the last person he expected to be the detective on his case and at this point the last person he wanted to be on the case.

He couldn't understand why he was so worked up over this baby but not really over his wife and the fact that she was murdered. Was that supposed to tell you something? He couldn't stand the thought of his and Marissa's baby dying but when he thinks about Taylor, he doesn't even feel tears come to his eyes yet. Was that supposed to mean something about him and Marissa…or was he just so shocked that he could only think about this baby and not his murdered wife.

He arrived at the Cohen house and sat in the car for a little bit. What did he tell them? Did he tell them the truth or did he just go on like he hadn't heard anything? Would they be as upset as him? He got out of the car and slowly made it to the front door and then opened it with his key. He stepped in and called out, "Hello?"

"In the kitchen Ryan!" Sandy called to him. He heard a lot of laughter coming from that area and walked in to see Seth, Summer, Sandy, and Kirsten.

"Hey, how's it going?" Seth asked, walking over to him. "You know, the play station is calling your name." He said, putting a hand on Ryan's shoulder and leading him to the pool house.

"What about dinner?" He asked, looking back over his shoulder.

"Oh, it'll be ready later. Right now though, we need some serious play station time. I mean, you're always busy with work or something, we can never play." Seth said, turning on the play station.

"The reason we don't have a long time to play is that we're both mature adults who are no longer in high school." He watched Seth flop down onto the bed and throw the controller at him.

"Come on, enough of that mature garbage. It's play station time." Seth said, focusing his attention on the game.

Ryan laughed and started playing as well, letting himself forget about Marissa and the baby and Taylor if only for a little while.

Marissa felt horrible for what she did. She had never intended for Ryan to find out about the abortion, but look what happened. She had never planned on seeing him again, and even though that hurt her a lot, she had come to terms with it eventually. But here she was, getting ready to have dinner at the Cohen house, knowing he'd be there. She wanted to plead her case to him, make him see things her way, but she knew she'd probably fail miserably.

Ryan was the last person in the world that she'd ever want to hurt. She had gotten he abortion because she was afraid that he'd hold some sort of resentment against her that he'd never gotten to have a normal life. She wished she could go back now and change everything, but she knew she couldn't.

She arrived at the Cohen house and knocked on the front door. Summer answered and threw her arms around her. "Coop, you decided to come after all!"

"I guess I missed everyone." She said, walking into the house. "Wow, I haven't been here in what feels like forever."

"It's been forever and a day." Summer said, leading her to the kitchen. "Look who decided to show up." She said to Sandy and Kirsten.

"Marissa!" Kirsten said, coming around and hugging her tightly. "We all missed you." She said when she pulled back.

"Yeah, I mean….we all missed the Coopers. Where did all the drama go?" Sandy joked, coming around and offering her a quick hug as well. "So kid, how've you been doing?"

She shrugged and said, "I became a detective."

"A detective?" Sandy asked shocked. "Wow, I never expected that."

"Neither did I." She admitted with a laugh.

"So what are you working on right now?" Kirsten asked curiously.

Summer answered for her. "Oh, she's working on Taylor's murder." She said sadly.

Kirsten and Sandy seemed to remember that Taylor had been missing and sighed. "How's that going?" Sandy asked.

"It's not going too well. Let's just say that Taylor wasn't who everyone thought she was." She said softly.

"Have you talked to Ryan?" Kirsten asked.

Just then Ryan and Seth came into the room. "What about me?" Ryan asked with a smile. He turned and saw her and his eyes came hard. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked angrily.

"I invited her Atwood, if you have a problem with that, you deal with me." Summer said defensively, taking a step towards him.

He glared at Summer and said, "Whatever, just keep her far away from me." He glared at her one last time and then retreated to the living room to watch T.V.

Everyone stared at her, waiting for an explanation and she sighed. Sandy broke the silence and said, "I guess you have talked to him."

She laughed softly and nodded, "Yeah, we've done a bit of that."

"So what's going on?" Kirsten asked.

"It's a long story." She said softly and everyone knew not to dig any deeper, at least for now.

Seth stared at all of them and said, "Well I'm going to go see how Ryan is…." And then walked away.

Marissa watched him go and sighed. "So when's dinner?"

"Soon." Kirsten said.

No one could bring themselves to say anything else.

All through dinner he stared at her every once in a while. He didn't know what it was about her that made him have to look at her, but he did. He looked at her whenever she talked, whenever she laughed, whenever she drank. He watched her, looking for signs of remorse but saw none. He wondered if she was going to talk to him, or keep avoiding eye contact with him the rest of the night. He soon found out though.

"So Ryan…how was your day?" Marissa asked softly.

He thought that he had heard her wrong. She had asked _him_ right? "It was fine." he replied, not looking at her.

"How'd work go?"

"It was fine." He repeated.

"We still haven't found the suspect yet." She said, probably trying to start conversation with him.

"Whatever." He said, standing up. "I'm going to clean up." he announced, taking his plate to the sink and getting the water ready to wash the dishes.

She got up and followed him, completely oblivious to everyone's stares. "Do you need help?"

"I think you've done enough." he said quietly but angrily.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"You heard me." He said, turning and looking at her. "We both know what you're trying to do now, and it's not going to work."

"Oh really, and what am I trying to do?" she asked her voice getting louder.

"You're trying to make it seem like nothing happened, but you know it did! You know what happened and I know what happened!" He said, beginning to walk away.

"Don't walk away!" she yelled at him.

"Why not, you did!" He shot back.

"I never wanted things to be like this." She said, more softly this time. "I never intended any of this to happen."

"You should've thought about it though." He said, lowering his voice.

"I was scared."

"And I was hurt! I was in love with you Marissa and you knew that! I was so in love with you that I would've quit school and moved to God knows where to be with you. I would've given up everything to have a baby with you, but you killed it."

She sighed and said, "I know, and I'm sorry…"

"Sorry doesn't cut it. You say sorry when you accidentally knock something over or when you forget to pick up something from the store. You don't say sorry when you get an abortion." He said, starting to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving, I can't be here with you and know what you did." He said, walking to the front door. He turned behind them and saw that everyone had been watching them. "Thanks for dinner Kirsten." He said softly before leaving.

Marissa turned to everyone who was staring at her wide eyed. "I'm sorry." She said, walking away.

She wondered if she'd ever get something right in her life so she didn't have to say those words.


	7. Chapter 7

"He hates me." Marissa said with a sigh. She ran a hand through her hair and said, "He really and truly hates me."

"Atwood does not hate you." Summer said with a shake of her head. She stuck a fry into her mouth and said, "He's just…upset, which is to be expected."

"No, he really does hate me. I mean, you and the Cohens and everyone witnessed what happened the other day."

"He was a little harsh with his words." Summer said, taking a sip of her drink.

"That's not what got to me though." She said softly. She looked down at the table and then out the window. Her and Summer were having lunch at the diner. She had the weekend off before she had to hit Taylor's case again on Monday. "It was the look he gave me. With Ryan, I always wanted to make him proud of me. It was one thing to look like the Newport Princess to everyone else, but with Ryan I always wanted to seem like something to him. I wanted to impress him, show him that I am worth something….that I'm different from everyone." She looked at Summer and said, "When I saw him the other night, the look in his eyes showed that I was dead to him. That hurts more than anything he can ever say."

"Aww, Coop. You're not dead to him." Summer reassured, putting a hand on Marissa's arm. "Besides, if worse comes to worse and he does….you still have me and Cohen."

"Wow, that's really comforting." She said sarcastically.

"Hey, beggars can't be choosy."

She laughed and said, "True, very true."

"Have you tried talking to him at all since your little blow out?" Summer asked.

"I called him a couple of times in the last couple of days…he never answers. He hasn't returned my calls." She looked down at her plate and shoved away her half eaten burger, suddenly not hungry.

"Well, maybe you should go by and see him." Summer suggested.

"Yeah, that's a great idea." She said sarcastically. "I'll go up to him and he'll yell at me and then really tell me that he hates me."

"Well, it's worth a try." Summer said. After a few minutes of silence Summer asked, "Why'd you do it Coop?"

"Do what?"

"Get the abortion. Why'd you do it?" Summer asked curiously.

She sighed and looked down again. "It seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"Well why? You know Atwood would've been on the next plane to Hawaii if you told him that you were pregnant. You guys would've gotten married and had more kids eventually."

"That's the hardest part…knowing what could've happened." She admitted.

"Well, why did you do it then? If you knew what was going to happen, why'd you do it? Marrying him was what you'd always wanted anyways…"

"I didn't want to ruin his life." She admitted. "I knew that something could come of him. I didn't want him hating me for ruining his life in the long run."

"That's where you're wrong. He could never hate you."

"Well he does now." She said sullenly.

"He doesn't. Look, tell him what happened…get him to listen. I'm sure that he'll forgive you eventually." Summer said, taking another sip of her drink. She looked down at her watch and then said, "Shoot, I was supposed to meet Cohen somewhere like ten minutes ago. I've got to go Coop." She looked up and put some money down for lunch. "Lunch is on me. Oh, and Cohen's making me go bowling tomorrow, you really should come. Talk to Atwood." Summer said, getting up and walking off, leaving Marissa alone with her thoughts.

She knew that Ryan was mad at her and that he probably hated her but she also knew that she needed to tell him what was on her mind. She debated whether she should follow Summer's advice or not and go find him. She sat there for a long time, even after the waitress left with the money for lunch. Finally she decided what she was going to do.

She was going to talk to Ryan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ryan had lunch with Seth, which was not what he wanted to do, but he had been lured in by a free meal. Now here he was with Seth, talking about something he didn't feel like talking about with anyone. "So…have you talked to Marissa?" Seth asked.

"Why would I, I have nothing to say to her." He said angrily.

"Well do you know her side of the story? Maybe there's something you missed."

"She said that Julie persuaded her to get the abortion…but she could've easily said no." He said with a frustrated sigh. "She could've called me and told me…"

"Could she though? Maybe she was scared." Seth suggested with a shrug. "Maybe she didn't want to ruin your life."

"That wouldn't have ruined my life though." He said softly. "All I wanted was to be with her."

"Yeah, but did she know that?" Seth asked, putting his feet on the coffee table. They were at Seth and Summer's house and had already eaten lunch. Now Ryan knew he needed to get back to work but didn't know how to get way from Seth.

"She should've…"

"But it's not that simple buddy. Maybe she did what she was best at the time. People make mistakes all the time."

"There's no such thing as a mistake. You can carefully make your way through life and avoid all kinds of mistakes."

"Ryan, look what you've done in your life. You stole that car, burned down a house, slept with your ex girlfriend and got her pregnant." Seth took a moment for the words to sink in and then said, "We all make mistakes."

"Yeah, but this is someone else's life that she just killed." He said, his resolve starting to weaken.

"Well sometimes it takes a life to save a life." Seth said.

He looked down at his watch and said, "I really have to get to work."

Seth looked down at his own watch and said, "Oh crap, I was supposed to meet Summer ten minutes ago." He quickly got up and said, "I'll see you later….tomorrow…bowling…me, Summer, you…it'll be fun."

"Sure." He said sarcastically. "See you." He said, walking out of the house and back to work. He made his way to work quickly and went into his office and started working. He looked at the information for a new development that was going to be made and let himself get lost in his work.

About an hour later he saw his secretary come in his office and say, "There's someone here to see you. They say it's important and that they're an old friend."

"Oh, okay…send them in." He said, not really paying attention. A couple of minutes later he saw someone that he didn't want to enter his office. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked Marissa.

"I just…we need to talk." She said, walking awkwardly into his office.

"No, I have nothing to say to you." He said, turning his chair and looking out the window behind his desk.

"Well I have something to say to you." She shot back. "Look, you may hate my guts right now…I don't blame you either, but you need to forgive me." She must have seen him roll his eyes and smirk because she said, "I'm sorry okay? I made a huge mistake. I'm a complete idiot for what I did." She heard her take a step closer to him and he hoped that she didn't come any closer because he was afraid he'd give in. "I wish I could take it all back, believe me I wish I could. It's just…my mom…and I know that's not an excuse, but she convinced me that it would be for the best. It wasn't even me that I was thinking about Ryan….all I could think about was you." She lowered her voice to barely a whisper and said, "I loved you so much…."

Her words hit him hard, but he still didn't turn around, knowing that he'd lose all control if he did. She continued and said, "I was afraid that you wouldn't get to go to college and have a normal life. I was going to get the abortion and go on with you and act like nothing had happened, but I couldn't do that. I knew that you'd be mad once I did it and would be disappointed, so I didn't say anything and broke up with you instead. I did it all for you Ryan…to let you live. I had to live with what I did, I didn't want for you to. I broke up with you to protect you…but here you are hurting."

He heard her turn to go and he quietly asked, "Do you ever think of it?"

He heard her stop and then heard a small sigh and in a shaky voice she said, "Everyday." Then her footsteps continued and she left him alone with his thoughts.

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If there was one thing that Ryan hated, it was losing at bowling to Seth. They'd been coming for a couple of years now, at first just them and then their wives started coming. They hadn't had a bowling game since Taylor's death, and he didn't know if he was up to it. Not that it would be awkward, just that he knew that he'd have to listen to Seth and Summer bicker for the next couple of hours and he didn't know if he was in the mood for it right now.

The whole Marissa thing was bothering him. He knew now that she hadn't done it for herself, but for him…but he didn't know where that left them now. He wanted to try to be her friend, but how could he when every time he thought about her, he thought about his unborn child? He had lost two of his children now, and that was an unbearable pain, especially knowing that one of them was from Marissa.

And the most confusing part of everything was the fact that he was so focused on the drama with Marissa and the baby that he wasn't even thinking about Taylor and her case. Did that make him a bad husband, or did it just make him a good father….even if he wasn't technically one since both of his kids hadn't been born? He was hoping that while Seth and Summer were bickering he'd have some time to himself to think, but as he walked towards them in the bowling alley, he saw that they weren't alone.

He slowly put down his bag and he saw Seth give him an apologetic look and Summer glare at Seth before turning and glaring at him. Marissa looked up at him from the papers she was looking at and got wide eyed. He just stood there, waiting for someone to say something, but no one did. He looked into Marissa's eyes and saw shock and regret there, and he finally spoke up. "Umm…."

"I didn't know…I'm sorry…" Marissa began, but was cut off by Summer.

"There's no need to apologize Coop." Summer said before turning to him once again. "I invited her and if you have a problem with that, then you need to confront me."

"I wasn't going to get mad…I was just going to say that she needs a shirt like ours if she's going to join us." He pulled out Taylor's extra shirt that she never wore and said, "Um, I think this'll fit. I got tired of it just hanging in our closet so I put it in my bowling bag before Taylor died….I've been meaning to give it back to you guys." He turned to Marissa and said, "She never wore it…it's yours if you want it."

"I don't know…I mean…are you sure?" She asked, avoiding his gaze.

He gave her a small smile and walked towards her, handing her the shirt. "Like I said, it's yours if you want it. Besides, if we're all going to look like dorks while we bowl, you have to also."

She looked at him and smiled, taking the shirt from him. "Thanks." She said softly. "I'll just go change…" She said, walking towards the restroom.

Summer and Seth looked at him with their eyebrows raised and he asked, "What?"

"I thought you hated her." Seth said first.

"And that you had nothing to say to her…" Summer said after him.

"Well apparently I do." He said, sitting down so he could put on his bowling shoes. "She came by and talked to me today, it was only then that I realized what a jerk I've been."

"Well, I'm glad you came to your senses…this really hurt her." Summer said, putting their names into the computer.

He put his bowling ball up and then said, "I know. I just don't know…" But he stopped talking when he saw Marissa come back, not wanting an awkward conversation to follow. "So who goes first?" He asked, avoiding Marissa's gaze.

"Well, Cohen here likes to go first, as you know." Summer said, sighing and rolling her eyes as she looked at Seth.

"Well I am the best, so I think I deserve to go first." Seth said, grabbing his bowling ball and taking his turn. He ended up getting two gutter balls and came back to see everyone smirking at him. "Well, it's my warm up game." He said, sitting down and crossing his arms over his chest with a nod.

"Sure it is Cohen." Summer said, going and taking her turn receiving a spare. "Yeah, that's the way to do it!" She said with a smirk upon seeing Seth's frown.

"Well, you know, you're not supposed to brag Summer." Seth said with a frown.

"Who was the one that said they deserved to go first because they were best?" Summer asked with a smirk.

"Well, that's different." Seth said.

As the two bickered, Ryan laughed and shook his head, looking over to see what Marissa was doing. She was looking at the papers again intently and he was curious to what she was doing. "You know…it's your turn." He said, sitting down next to her.

She seemed to scoot a little away from him in her chair and glanced up quickly before looking down at the papers again, "I'll go in a minute." She said.

He watched her, and took in the sight of her. She was wearing a black and gray bowling t-shirt like everyone else and had jeans on with it. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she looked very serious as she looked down at her papers. "So I've been thinking about what you said." He started, looking at her to see any reaction. When she didn't say anything, but just sat there as if she was waiting for him to continue he said, "And I've been a real jerk lately."

"You had every right to be." She said softly, still not looking at him.

"No, I don't. You had your reasons for what you did, and I understand that. It doesn't mean that it hurts any less, but still." He said, trying to see any reaction from her. He smiled and lifted her chin to look at him. "Gosh, do you ever stop working?" He asked with a playful smile.

She looked up at him finally and said, "Sometimes."

:"Well this is going to be one of those times." He said with a smile.

"Oh really?" She asked playfully.

"Mhmm, because you need your full attention on bowling so that you can see how bad I'm going to kick your ass." He said, teasing her.

"Well we'll see about that won't we?" She asked, standing up and going to play.

"Yeah, I guess we will." He said to himself as she walked away, not knowing if he meant the game or their friendship that was starting between them. "I guess we'll all see."


	8. Important AN

A/N Okay, so I have to put this on hiatus because my computer at my house crashed and now I have to use my grandma's computer and my dad's computer. That would be okay if my grandma wasn't putting her computer away for a while so now I just have to use my dad's computer and I don't go over there that much. I know that you guys want to know who killed Taylor and if what will happen between Marissa and Ryan, but that will have to wait. So thanks.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N This is short, but get used to it because I'm giving short chapters for a little while. I still have a little bit of time before my grandma's computer gets unplugged so I'm taking full advantage of that fact and I'm writing really short chapters so I can post on all of my stories.**

"So, anything new?" Marissa Cooper asked, walking into her boss's office.

He nodded and said, "We found a possible location for our suspect. We're getting a warrant right now to go search the place. We're really hoping that this is it because people are getting tired of nothing happening."

"Well I am too but sometimes cases take a while to solve." She said with a sigh.

Her boss looked at her and then said, "Sit down."

She raised her eyebrows and said, "Okay..." She sat down in the chair in front of his desk. "What's up?"

"You tell me." he said, looking her straight in the eyes.

"What do you mean?" She asked, not getting what he was saying.

"You and that Atwood guy. What's going on there? You guys are the talk of the office right now." He said with a raise of his eyebrows.

She sighed and shrugged. "We have a long history there I guess. We're just friends...if even that, right now."

He eyed her for a little while and then said, "Don't get too involved in these cases. It's not good for you."

"I know,I've done enough to know that."

"But still. Don't do anything that you'll regret."

"How would I regret spending time with Ryan?" She questioned.

"He's grieving his wife right now Marissa, whether he shows it to you or not, he's grieving." He sighed and then said, "It's going to wind up hurting you which will hurt this case."

"What will hurt me?" She asked.

"He will. Do you really think he has feelings for you right now?"

She was shocked that he'd asked her something. Her boss was never this personal. "I...I don't have feelings for him."

He gave her this look that told her that he didn't believe her and then said, "Of course you don't. You're hanging out with him a lot and giving him updates on the case personally when we can easily just send him the police reports if he wishes is just out of sincerity."

"It is." She argued.

"Then why don't you do it for every other case?" He asked, accusing her.

"I.." She started, but didn't have an answer.

"I thought so."

Just then someone came in and said, "Sir, we've go the warrant."

Her boss looked at her and said, "Looks like you've got an arrest to make."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N To get this straight; _I am not posting on this story again for now_. I just found this and thought I should post it. R/R**

Marissa took in a deep breath and then knocked on the door. A man about her age with brown hair came out and she asked, "Johnny Harper?"

The man looked at her confusedly and said, "Yeah, that's me. What's this about?"

She pulled out her badge and said, "I'm Detective Marissa Cooper from the NBPD and you're under arrest for the murder of Taylor Atwood." She grimaced at having to say Atwood instead of Townsend.

Two cops came up behind her and grabbed Johnny and placed the handcuffs on him. "This has to be some mistake." He pleaded. "I didn't do anything."

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you can not afford one, one will be provided for you." She watched them start to walk away with Johnny and asked, "Do you understand."

He looked at her and said, "I'm not guilty. I'm innocent. You have to believe me."

She sighed and walked to the car. "That's what they all say." She muttered.

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"I didn't do it." Johnny said once again.

Marissa was questioning him at the station and so far he wasn't owning up to anything. "We have lots of evidence pointing to you, so why would I believe you?"

"Because I said I didn't do it." he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I think you should trust me."

"I have no reason to trust you." She pointed out.

"Well you also have no reason not to." He shot back.

"Actually I do."

"What is it then? What's all this evidence you have against me?" He asked, challenging her.

"Okay, number one. Your semen was in her system." She said. "Two, you left when she was found dead and three, the murder weapon was found in your house."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't own a gun."

"How do you know there was a gun?" She asked with a raise of her eyebrows.

"Because I read the papers and watched the news."

"Well, there was a gun in your house, so explain to me that." She challenged.

"I don't know. I don't own a gun." He sighed and looked at his hands and then sat up and said, "Fingerprints. Check for that."

"We did and it was wiped clean." She said.

He sighed and shook his head. "What reason would I have to kill Taylor?"

"Maybe you found out that she was pregnant with your child and wanted her to get rid of it and she refused." She stated.

"Wait, wait, wait." He said, looking at her. "Taylor was pregnant?"

She looked at him and saw the emotions playing on his face; sorrow, pain, loss. "Yeah, she was." She said, her voice suddenly softening.

"I never knew, I swear." Johnny said, his voice soft. "I can't believe she was pregnant and didn't tell me." He looked down and then asked, "Are you sure it's mine?"

"I talked to her husband, he said they hadn't been together in a while so it couldn't be his." She said, thinking of Ryan's pain when she'd told him that Taylor was pregnant.

"I can't believe any of this." He said angrily. "How could she have not told me?" He looked at her with pain in his eyes and said, "Do you believe me?"

She didn't know what to say. All the evidence pointed against him, but there was some sort of look in his eyes that made her want to believe him. She wouldn't let herself though. If she'd learned anything it was that criminals were good liars. "We'll talk again soon, meanwhile you'll be taken into custody."

"I didn't do it though!" He said, just as two cops walked in and took him back into custody.

She watched him go and then sighed and sunk into one of the chairs. She'd just seen the guy that Ryan probably wanted dead and she was going to hang out with Ryan tonight. She put her head in her hands and wondered if Johnny was telling the truth. She got up and mumbled, "Looks like time will tell."

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It was later in the day and Ryan and Marissa were both walking along the pier eating balboa bars just like they used to when they were younger. As they walked alongside each other, Marissa kept wondering whether the two of them would've made it through everything and ended up together in the end. She wanted so badly to hold his hand like they also used to, but she knew that wasn't the best idea now, so she just stuck to their fingers brushing past each other's every once in a while.

After Johnny's arrest, she'd told her boss her doubts about Johnny actually being the murderer. Her boss told her not to worry and that they'd take care of him but she still had her doubts about the whole arrest when it was done. Now she was hanging out with Ryan...something he'd suggested after bowling the other day. He was currently talking about his day at work and she was trying her best to listen but her mind was drifting back to Johnny and the look on his face when he found out Taylor was pregnant. It was sort of like the look on Ryan's face...hurt.

"Okay, so what's going on?" Ryan asked her, turning and looking at her intently.

"Nothing." She said casually.

He raised his eyebrows and said, "Marissa, I know you...I may not have seen you in years, but I still know you." He smiled at her and said, "So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed and stopped to lean on the railing and look out at the beach. He came up alongside her and did the same thing, though his attention was directed at her and only her. "I arrested Johnny today."

He seemed taken aback. "You guys found him?" He asked after a while.

"Yeah, we did. Today I arrested him...he's in custody now." She said.

He was quiet for a while and then he said, "But there's more to the story."

"How do you know?" She asked, looking over at him.

"It's written all over your face. As I said...I know you, and I know when there's something you're not telling me." He gave her a playful smile and said, "Now spill."

She shook her head and said, "I don't know..."

"Come on, tell me. Remember, I'm not only your friend who cares about you feel but I'm also the victim's husband that's curious as to how the arrest went." He shrugged and said, "Either way I want to know."

She looked at him and said, "You know, you always get your way."

He shook his head and looked down. "If I got my way...you never would've moved to Hawaii...you never would've gotten the abortion...and if I couldn't have that..." he continued looking down and said, "If I couldn't have any of that, then I wouldn't have had my wife die." He looked up and then said, "So tell me."

She was still a little taken back by his words but she did as he told her to and said, "I don't know if Johnny is guilty."

"Well he did have an affair..."

"Yeah, but I don't think he killed her." She stated with a long sigh. "The look on his face when I told him that Taylor was pregnant..."

"Wait, he didn't know she was pregnant either?" He asked with wide eyes. "I thought she'd tell at least one person...no offence to Taylor, but she has a rather large mouth." She giggled slightly and he said, "What, she did." He started laughing a little too.

"I'm over here trying to have a serious conversation and you say that..." She said, still laughing a little.

"What, as I said, she does...or did..whatever." He smiled and said, "But either way, if you say you don't think he's guilty...I believe you. I have no reason not to."

She was quiet and then said, "but I kept the abortion from you..."

He shrugged and said, "It's in the past along with Taylor. I loved her, yeah, she was my wife...but at the moment, before it really hits that she's never coming back, I think that I want to have a night where I just forget my troubles." He smiled at her and said, "And I'd love it if you accompany me while I do that."

"Well what did you have in mind?" She asked, and they started walking again.

"Well, I was hoping you would come to the Bait Shop with me. It'll be just like old times...we'll even get Seth and Summer to come along." He said.

"Sure." She said with a smile. "I could use a night to get away from thoughts of work."

"Well I know that's true."

She playfully pushed him and said, "Watch it."

"What, it's true."

"You're saying that a lot." She pointed out.

He thought about it and said, "Well, you're making me say it a lot."

"Very mature." She said, shaking her head and laughing.

"It's supposed to be like old times, I don't have to be mature." He pointed out, though he was laughing as well.

"Well if I remember correctly, you like, never smiled or laughed much less made jokes."

"Well, that's about to change." he said confidently.

She laughed, glad that at least for tonight, she could forget about Johnny and her doubts. Tonight it was her, Ryan, Seth, and Summer...the way it should've been.


End file.
